How to deal with negative people at work

You can find a million book, website, blog or YouTube video, showing you and explaining to you how to deal with negative people at work. Believe me when I say that I have tried the majority of them knowing that I struggle every single day from being in the same environment as those people. They suck every positive molecule you might possess and even if you choose to ignore them, this act by itself, consumes your time and energy.

So let me tell you my story and how I manage to solve it:

I work in a office that has over a hundred and fifty employees from different backgrounds and it gets too difficult at times, specially when there's a meeting, to listen to each other and understand what each person is saying. But you can always spot those two, three people who will always contradict and argue every idea you might come up with. They would first come to the meeting putting the I-am-too-important-to-be-in-here hat and they would always choose a corner to sit in where they can view the entire room and scan all the faces of the attendees. They would not initiate any conversation, but instead, they would wait for the brainstorming part to come and then BOOM!!! They would start attacking each idea with their sarcastic responses and the no-can-do attitude. And it really pisses me off because, you know that no matter what you say to them and no matter how much you fight for your idea, the maximum reaction you can get from them is silence. They do not even acknowledge that you are right or admit that they are wrong.

So I learnt a few techniques that would allow me to overcome their negativity and to convince the others with my ideas at the same time. Here it goes:

• When they contradict you, ask them for their counter arguments. They will have to give you reasons that will convince you of dropping your idea and adopting theirs. I learned this technique from my father when I was young. Whenever I needed to go out with my friends, he would immediately tell no. And then I would spend around an hour or so giving him reasons of why he should change his mind and agree that I leave the house. No sweet talks, no cuddling, no promising that I will finish my homework. No, that would be his first reaction and only when I give valid and logical reasons that he will concede to my request. Eventually, he started hesitating when he would give me his answer, because he would know that I would have already planned my arguments and that I will not stop until I win. So practice this with a close friend or your partner, on any topic you might think of. This way, you will have enough confidence to defend your ideas at work.
• Keep your voice at a low level, talk slowly and choose your words wisely. Just today for example, we had a supervisors meeting and one supervisor was mentioning an idea and me and another supervisor interjected him because we didn't agree on what he was saying. He picked to address the other lady and he got very aggressive with the way he spoke with her. So her reaction was to keep ignoring him, interrupting him and not even looking at him. This, of course, made him furious and he started insulting her and telling her that she has no communication skills. In the meantime, I was simply watching and waiting for this storm to calm down a bit, then I picked a moment of silence to start talking. I addressed him by looking him straight in the eyes, I kept my voice low and I made sure that whatever words I utter, that I do not mention anything that might suggest me saying that he is incorrect, or that his idea is wrong or that he might be overreacting. I stated for him clearly the reason I interrupted him and what I thought would be a better idea. Of course, he didn't simply reply: you're right, I'm sorry. My bad. But at least he kept quiet and he didn't reply, which, as I mentioned before could only mean that you won the war but they are not willing to admit it.
• Ask them for their feedback or opinion. You would be truly amazed when you use this technique. Some people's ego is so all over the place, that, no matter how angry they are or upset or simply fighting every single word you say, when given the chance to express what they think, they would immediately become the guru of the meeting giving you their advice and spreading their knowledge to everyone. Those people are called Dominant people. They have it in their character and they behave accordingly. They cannot tolerate someone else imposing an idea on them. Always remember to put your idea in a question form. e.g: instead of telling "I believe working an extra hour every day and taking Saturday off is the best idea to solve the employees complaints", try saying "Do you think asking the employees to work an additional hour every day and taking Saturday off would solve our problem?" Showing them that their input is highly appreciated and that you eagerly need their feedback will put them right where you want them. Trust me, this is a technique that worked so well for me with people having such a character.
• Ask them if they have any personal issue with you. Sometimes it's that simple. Once the meeting is over and everyone else is gone, ask this person if you may have a word with them and ask them the question. Ask them if they have anything against you and if you have offended them in any way. They would either be taken aback by your honesty and your straightforwardness, or they would open up to you and tell you what truly bothers them. You might, without your knowledge, have actually said or acted in a way that has indeed offended them and they kept it to themselves because that's simply in their nature and since then, you made your way on top of their black list. So once you clear this matter with them, you would find yourself gaining a new supporter within the group and you will feel the heavy load getting lifted off of your shoulders.
• Choose your battles. It is a war, I admit it. Sometimes you win and other times you loose. But either way, know when it is time for you to drop your defenses and simply walk out of it. Some people are born and made that way, that no matter how hard you try to reach out to them, they will keep pulling you down with their negativity. So instead of doing just that, let them know that because of their attitude, you are forced to keep things at a minimum with them. They need to know that they are among the people you chose to exclude from your life and that you will only continue to work with them because you're a professional and that's what professionals do.

So my friends, I have given you the techniques that I personally use in my day to day interaction with people in my own office. Things that I have learnt, not from a book, or a training on communication skills. These things I have tried myself and they are working great for me. And please keep this in mind: The problem is not in you, it's in THEM. Don't spend your time thinking and worrying about what you might do to please them or in which way to approach them so they don't swallow you, chew you and spit you later. Keep a high self esteem and an unbreakable confidence and know that some people are too weak, that they feel the need to be aggressive or offensive in order to be noticed, that they need to make others suffer in order to get their gratification, that they are truly convinced that their attitude is giving them power over others. Trust me when I say, they are the weakest, most insecure people you might ever come across and it's up to you to choose whether you want to save them or not. 

No matter what you choose, know that you will walk out of this stronger than ever. Why? Because they were not able to break you :) As simple as that...